Dark Days for Mayberry (Summer of 1965)
by DirtyKnight
Summary: This story tells an alternative version of The Andy Griffith Show. Hotel Clerk/Choir Director/Play Director John Master replaces Barney Fife as Deputy, Andy and Helen break up and Andy starts dating Thelma Lou.


Dark Days for Mayberry

"Welcome to the force John," said Andy as he shook John Master's hand.

"I'm glad to be on it," said John. "How's Barney enjoying Raleigh?"

"He's enjoying it," said Andy. "His first day on the force is tomorrow."

"That's great," said John "Is, uh, Thelma Lou going to be joining him?"

"No," said Andy.

"No?" asked John.

"No," said Andy.

"They've been going together for almost five years," said John. "What broke them up?"

"A two dollar pineapple skinner," said Andy.

"A what?" asked John.

"A pineapple skinner," said Andy. "You see Barney originally got Thelma Lou a fur on a discount rate from a salesmen. However, the furs hair fell out the day after he bought, so he needed a replacement gift, so he got her a pineapple skinner, which was a lot cheaper. So the two had an argument and didn't speak to each other. Then when Thelma Lou decided to make up, she went over to Bareny's place and found him and Juanita smooching in the parlor."

"Why didn't they go to Barney's room?" asked John.

"Mrs. Mendlebright told me they barely made it into the house before they started going at it," said Andy. "So Thelma Lou and Barney had the mother of all arguments and by the time I got there, Barney had told Thelma Lou that the two of them were through and that he wasn't going to propose to her and that he didn't want her bothering him in Raleigh and Thelma Lou told him she'd agree to that."

"Wow," said John. "What about Juanita, did she go up with him?"

"She did, but when she gets to Raleigh, she's flying out west," said Andy.

"Why?" asked John.

"She got a job with Russ Meyer," said Andy.

"Who?" asked John.

"A smalltime director," said Andy as the courthouse opened and Aunt Bea entered looking furious. "Hello Aunt Bea," said Andy. "Something the matter?"

"I don't want Helen coming over to dinner tomorrow night," said Aunt Bea. "If she does come over, you can cook for her. I want nothing more to do with her after what she did to Thelma Lou."

"What did Helen do?" asked Andy .

"She hollered at Thelma Lou and then threw a tantrum because Thelma Lou came in to return a gift she brought for Barney," said Aunt Bea. "I think a child would know better than to throw a tantrum like Helen did."

"When did this happen?" asked Andy.

"About five minutes ago ," said Aunt Bea. "Laura Lee Hobbes and I got to see it happen. Laura Lee told Helen after Thelma Lou left that Helen is no longer welcomed at the store and told her that if she didn't get off the property, she was calling you over and having you remove her. When Helen left, she told me to come tell you about it."

"Well I'll talk with Helen," said Andy.

"Please do," said Aunt Bea.

She turned and headed out.

"Well this is going to be fun," said Andy.

"Yes," said John.

When Andy went off duty, he headed over to Helen's house where he found Helen sitting in her house. "Aunt Bea tattle on me?" she asked.

"Now look Helen," said Andy.

"She knew when she started dating him what a kind of guy Barney was," said Helen. "She knew he was a nut."

"Well that doesn't give you the right to blast her," said Andy.

"She needs to get over it," said Helen. "Some people you've got to get nasty with to help them get over."

"And some people need a calm ear to listen to and a shoulder to cry on when their relationship of five years goes up in smoke," said Andy.

"Thelma Lou is not a child," said Helen.

"And neither are you," said Andy. "The fact that a grown woman thinks that it is acceptable to throw a tantrum at the dime store because someone else is going through a rough time is the most childish thing I've ever heard."

"Well if I'm too childish for you, Sheriff Taylor, get out of my house!" said Helen.

"Fine," said Andy. "I'll see you Miss Crump."

Andy stormed out of the house as he did, Helen came up behind and yelled "Listen Mayberry Sheriff Taylor and I are though!" she then turned around and slammed the door shut.

Andy made his way down the street and headed off to Thelma Lou's house. He found her sitting on the steps of her house. "Hello Andy," she said.

"Hello Thelma Lou," said Andy. "I just got back from Helen."

"Oh?" asked Thelma Lou, her tone starting to get sharp. "And what did the witch say?"

"She told me we're through," said Andy.

The sharpness in Thelma Lou's tone vanished. "Broke up?" asked Thelma Lou.

"Yes," said Andy. "And to be honest, given what's gone on, I'm kind of happy we are." He motioned to the steps. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Please do," said Thelma Lou as she scooted over.

Andy joined her on the front steps and the two sat down to watch the moon rise


End file.
